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Responding to Children's Sexual Behaviors

Respond to Behaviors

Appropriate responses vary depending on a child's age and development.

• Children birth to 3 years old will fondle their genitals, so ignoring this behavior would be an appropriate response
• Children 3 to 5 years old can begin to understand privacy and that genital touching is not appropriate in public

As children get older they will also begin to explore sexuality through other behaviors — playing doctor, pretending to be mommy and daddy, and showing interest in where babies come from. Rather than responding to these situations in ways that make the child feel they are doing something wrong, parents should view these opportunities as teachable moments and take the following actions:

• Keep calm
• Ask what they are doing
• Discuss boundaries and rules
• Don't shame or scare them (this might prevent them from coming to you if they were to be sexually abused)

Respond to Questions

• When faced with a tough question, don't panic
• Ask the child what s/he thinks
• Use his/her response to frame your answer
• If you can't think of a good answer on the spot, tell the child it's a great question and you're going to think about it and get back to him/her
• Keep in mind, you might learn when a child asks where she came from, she only wanted to know which hospital or city!

Practice the Conversation

These conversations and situations can make many parents feel uncomfortable. Practice talking with another adult about the messages you would like to share with your children. Responding sensitively to children's questions and behaviors sends the message they are healthy and normal and dispels the secrecy and shame an abuser could use to his/her advantage.